Inspire prospects to ask you to sell to them.

Many years ago I was out sailing on Biscayne Bay with an old sailor friend. The conversation drifted from how to adjust the sails to light talk about our personal lives, and that’s when Michael told me he was a priest. I never found out what order he belonged to but I knew he’d spent time in India serving the poor, and that he’d forsaken all but the most basic of material possessions. Michael was a kind man who was always there to help. I asked him about his priesthood and he shared one of the simple principles of his faith:

 

“We are forbidden to preach to anyone unless they ask us to.” 

 

At the time, I could never have imagined that a conversation that started with “sails” would lead to one about “sales.”

I can’t recall what advice Michael offered—I asked him more out of curiosity than out of any need to solve a problem—but his golden rule of engagement stuck with me across the decades:

 

“We are forbidden to preach to anyone unless they ask us to.” 

 

This morning, I received a set of new, annoying solicitations:

“I came across your profile and thought my services would be a perfect fit for you.”

“Need help with your app development? We can get the job done at half the price.”

“Have you ever considered business ownership? Our lucrative franchise program…”

Really?

Do you actually think you can find clients this way? In the 21st century?

Back in the 1980s, sales was a numbers game. Communication went one way—through the radio, TV, or newspaper. If you made enough offers to enough people, the ignorant and easily-influenced would stick to your fly-paper and you’d close some deals, but today, if you offer professional services or business products, you can no longer ignore an important reality: 

Marketing to smart people who are bombarded by tacky offers every day is a different game. And most of your business prospects received sales training long before they ignored your one-dimensional plea to win their business.

Consider a few commonsense principles. 

We hate to be sold to but we love to buy.

Customers do business with people they know, like, and trust.

We all want to feel listened-to and understood.

And yet, the reality remains: Sales involves contacting strangers and making an offer. 

How can you do this without making your prospects feel sold to?

How can you become someone they know, like, and trust?

How can you make them feel listened-to and understood?

 

“We are forbidden to preach to anyone unless they ask us to.” 

 

Michael’s principle may seem like an untenable constraint but it’s actually a golden key.

If you have something to sell—whether it’s a product, a service, or a religion—begin by demonstrating value. 

Start by listening and understanding your prospects’ stories. In today’s world, your lookalike, soundalike offer is just condescending. Aren’t you so tired of marketers treating you like you were born yesterday and started your business this morning? Times and technology have changed but too many of us haven’t changed our stories about how marketing works. 

Your prospects will know instantly whether you’ve read their profile or just scraped their title for keywords. 

You can brag about your products and services all day long but no one will see your investment in a banner ad or a “Dear [FirstName]” email campaign as an authentic investment in a relationship. 

No one will see your query about whether or not they need help with app development as a genuine expression of concern. 

If your first words are a pitch, you’ll only prove up-front that you’re not listening. 

 

“We are forbidden to preach to anyone unless they ask us to.” 

 

Engage. Start a conversation. Listen first without selling anything. Share advice, insight, experience, resources, connections and referrals, or even a sympathetic ear that will make your prospects feel listened-to and understood, and not like they’re being sold-to. 

Become someone they know, like, and trust. The best prospects—the ones you really want to work with—will eventually ask what you have to sell. Some will take what you give and walk away but it’s always been that way in sales. The best clients want to become people you know, like, and trust. Sales and success are about two-way relationships.

Build rapport. Offer value. In a world where so many marketers are shouting their own praises, demonstrate that you’re there to listen, and discover how little it takes to get people to ask you to “preach.”