What's the number one cause of unhappiness?

 

Love?

 

Money?

 

Hunger?

 

Insurance companies?

 

The number one cause of unhappiness
is the pursuit of happiness!

 

You can never be happy.

 

Think about your last new car—that new car smell (never mind that that “perfume” was probably just the new, plastic parts off-gassing toxic hydrocarbons). You slid into the driver's seat, shifted into drive, and thought… 

 

Wow! I'm so lucky! It doesn't get any better than this! I'm happy!

 

Or perhaps you came into some money—a lucrative contract or a tax refund or maybe an inheritance. Maybe you enjoyed a vacation, took Pam out for a gourmet dinner (Wait. Who's Pam?), or bought that new car from two paragraphs ago.  

 

Wow! I'm so lucky! It doesn't get any better than this! I'm happy!

 

Or just when you've finally given up and stopped searching—when you've begun to make peace with your single-ness, the unexpected happens. A random conversation turns into a deep connection with someone who gets you. It's love! You've found your special someone!

 

 Wow! I'm so lucky! It doesn't get any better than this! I'm happy!

 

And then what happens?

 

It's inevitable…

 

After a few months, your car is just a car. Some careless idiot puts a ding in your door and then that bag of monkfish filets falls quietly out of your grocery bag and slips under the seat. Or maybe someone steals your catalytic converter in the middle of the night. You turn your ignition key and your wonderful happy-mobile sounds like a rusted-up Harley Davidson.

 

I used to be so happy. What happened?

 

Or … you're looking through the photos of that epic vacation (and trying to remember who in hell Pam is) and then you get the estimate for replacing that catalytic converter. Now you really wish you hadn't blown that vacation money.

 

I used to be so happy. What happened?

 

So you curl up with your new soulmate and after an evening of passion, you hear, “That was wonderful…! Are you ready to fix the garage door?” or “Just think of how fantastic you'll feel when you lose that last ten pounds!” (Or he calls out to you in the heat of the moment … but your name isn't Pam!) A sublime evening is transformed in an instant from naked … to nuked!

 

I used to be so happy. What happened?

 

The problem isn't happiness itself. 

 

The problem lies in the notion that happiness is a destination—some status you can attain and maintain—as if all your searching and wishing and hard work and meditating and manifesting and vision-boarding will somehow produce some sort of idiot-proof, trauma-proof, finance-proof, relationship-proof state of permanent bliss.

 

Nonsense!

 

Love, comfort, and wealth have nothing to do with happiness. Half of “happy” marriages end in divorce. 70% of lottery winners go bankrupt within two years.

 

And though they face uncomfortable and terrifying moments, sailors and mountain climbers find joy in their struggles.

 

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

 

The story—the myth—that you can pursue and keep happiness—that there's such a thing as “happily ever after” is a recipe for frozen misery on a stick. You can't catch a sunbeam and store it in a jar. 

 

You can never be happy.

But … you can find happiness!

 

While on a journey, a child may ask repeatedly, “Are we there yet?”

 

In doing so, they'll miss the view of the winding mountain roads.

 

They'll fail to notice the story opportunity you'll create when you change that tire in the middle of the desert at night.

 

They'll roll their eyes and tune out when you pick up that random hitch-hiker—something you'd normally never ever do (“Hi. Thanks for the ride. I'm Pam!”).

 

All because we're “not there yet!”

 

But…

 

You are there!

Now!

 

The number one cause of unhappiness
is the pursuit of happiness.

 

Life will bring challenges, setbacks, mishaps, changes of circumstance, and changes of heart. The here and now won't always be pleasant, but at least you're “there.”

 

Rewrite that bogus happiness story.

 

Embrace the challenges.

 

Laugh at the failures.

 

Build stories from the rubble of smashed obstacles. 

 

Find the meaningful in the moment and you may discover that even with no way to measure or quantify or justify or explain it, a realization will suddenly dawn on you…

 

Wow! I'm so lucky! It doesn't get any better than this! I'm happy!